


10 Points For Gryffindor!

by laudanum_cafe



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Dick Jokes, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Freeform, Hogwarts puns, M/M, Patrick is a gremlin, Post-Hiatus (Fall Out Boy), Some really bad puns, The Sorting Hat, This is a birthday fic!, pete is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 22:41:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14603277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laudanum_cafe/pseuds/laudanum_cafe
Summary: “Shut the fuck up, asshole. Fine, I’ll take your stupid fucking quiz.”





	10 Points For Gryffindor!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wr0ngsideofreality (slothlover42)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slothlover42/gifts).



> HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY TO THE ONE AND ONLY, @WR0NGSIDEOFREALITY (SLOTHLOVER42)!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this indulgent piece of fluff! I love you!
> 
> (As always, unbetaed...THUG LIFE!)

It wasn’t often these days that Pete had the house all to himself. No, the days of wandering around in an empty home with no friends, no fans, no hangers-on...no family, no loved ones, not even a fucking dog anymore...those days were over. These days, there was always some sort of activity going on, some other person wandering around, some sort of noise being made…some sort of  _ music _ being made. The noise was grounding and the invasion of his personal space was comforting. It was something Pete had gone for far too long without. 

 

Almost three years, actually.

 

But now, the band was back together. The hiatus from hell was finally over. The suffering in solitary confinement was now in the past.

Pete felt alive once again.

 

He had his gang back. His brothers-in-arms. The only ones he could trust with the words and sounds that haunted his every waking thought since they seperated in 2009. 

 

He had his Joe back; the lispy voice of reason, wise words hidden behind a smoke screen of deadpan sarcasm.

 

He had his Andy back; the seemingly stoic guardian of the group, a quiet force always keeping a watch on his brethren.

 

But most importantly, he had his Patrick back; his other half, his twin flame. Their past mistakes put to rest with the promise to start all over again...a delicate and fragile new love sprouting from the ground.

 

Fuck, life was perfect for Pete.

These days, they were holed up in a rather luxurious mansion in the Hollywood Hills; sequestered away in their own little world to focus entirely on the songwriting and demo recording process for the new album. Shit was still in the early stages and they were keeping everything very quiet...just in case. So far, things were going incredibly well. The ideas were flowing freely, everyone was contributing to the process, and there were no disagreements or arguments. Not since the early days of Fall Out Boy had they been able to come together and jam so cohesively and Pete was loving every single moment.

 

Today, however, the band had collectively decided to take a couple days off from their grueling, self inflicted work schedule. While the past two weeks had flown by in a music filled flurry, they all decided to take three days off from the creative process. After all, it’s hard to be effectively productive if you’ve burned yourself out.

 

Patrick, Joe, and Andy had fucked off hours ago to do...who the hell knows. They probably went to run some errands or something, he wasn’t really listening when they were discussing their early afternoon plans. 

 

Pete was just interested in sitting in the blissful silence and curl up with a good book...one he hadn’t read in a while and was always a favorite go-to when he had some down time.

 

_ Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. _

 

He was a few hours into his book when he heard the front door opening and the voices of his bandmates flooded his ears. There was some good natured ribbing, some laughing, and the sounds of bags being thrown about. 

 

“Pete? You here, dude?” Joe yelled from the other room.

 

“Yeah, I’m in the living room.” Pete called back to his friend, readjusting the pillow under his head and turning his attention back to the pages of his novel.

 

After a few minutes of puttering around in the kitchen, Andy came wandering into the living room, acknowledging Pete with a smile and a head nod. Pete folded down the corner of the page he was reading, sitting up to bump fists with the drummer in greeting. 

 

“What’s up, dude? What you reading?” Andy asked, peeking over to the book Pete had placed, cover side down, on the couch beside him. 

 

“Just re-reading Deathly Hallows, man. Been a while since I read that.” 

 

“Been a while since you read what?” Patrick’s voice inquired as he and Joe walked into the living room, taking their usual seats; Andy in the double wide recliner, Joe lying down across the full expanse of the main portion of the sectional couch, and Patrick in the vacant space besides Pete on the loveseat.

 

Pete turned his attention to Patrick, slinging an arm over the singer’s shoulder and pulling him in for a side hug. “I’m re-reading Deathly Hallows.” Pete placed a very loud kiss to Patrick’s temple and let go of his best friend. “I was thinking of having a Harry Potter movie marathon later. Dude, remember how good the Deathly Hallows movies were? Reading this makes me want to watch it again.”

 

“Hell yeah! They did a great job bringing that book to life. I wasn’t disappointed at all.” Andy exclaimed. Talking about anything related to the Harry Potter franchize always made the drummer very animated.

 

“I’ve never seen the movie, actually.” Patrick advised.

 

Andy and Pete gaped at Patrick, wide-eyed and surprised.

 

“Are you serious? How have you never seen them? They were the pinnacle of the Harry Potter movie franchise.” Pete asked.

 

Patrick just shrugged. “I dunno, it’s just...they came out when we were on hiatus. It was...it was a rough time for me. Besides, I was busy with Soul Punk when the movies came out and...I dunno. I just never got around to seeing them.” Patrick’s expression was soft, slightly painful. “Harry Potter always was your thing and it was...I just...it was...it made me miss you too much.”

 

Silence followed that statement, words hanging heavily in the room.

 

Yeah, the hiatus was still a sore spot for everyone and they usually managed to avoid speaking about anything related to that dark period of time. But this admission was a direct stab in the heart for all of them. It was a reminder of how difficult the separation was. It showed how deep the hurt ran if it managed to made something as beloved as a Harry Potter movie turn toxic and painful for Patrick.

 

“Well, I think it’s a national crime to not have seen  _ Deathly Hallows, _ dude! I have the DVD’s in my room. You guys up to watch them? We have the rest of the day off. Let’s just order in and educate young Patrick here on the glory that is the final Harry Potter movie. What do you say, Trick? You got four and a half hours to spare for us?”

 

Patrick smiled, very appreciative of Joe’s efforts to lighten the heavy tone of the room. “Well, I suppose I could work this into my busy schedule if I push back _ lazing about on the sundeck  _ and  _ taking a nap on the couch _ to tomorrow.”

 

Pete’s face brightened and he pulled his arm a little tighter around Patrick, a silent “I’m sorry” for the mistakes of their past falling wordlessly between them.

 

**

 

“Damn dude, that movie was intense. Holy fuck.” Patrick beamed as the end credits of the second movie started to roll.

 

Joe grabbed the remote control and muted the screen. “I’m glad you liked it.”

 

“Hell yeah it was fucking good! That ending, though! Gryffindor pride, right Andy?” Pete grinned as he faced the drummer.

 

“Gryffindor pride, buddy.” Andy replied, holding out a fist for Pete to bump.

 

“Oh, is that your favorite house or something?” Patrick asked, face amused at the excitement emanating from the rhythm section.

 

Pete was grinning, big dumb teeth flashing white and looking every bit like the mischievous man-child he was. “It’s not just that we  _ like _ Gryffindor, it’s a scientifically proven  _ fact _ that we are a part of that house. We are OFFICIAL brethren of the Gryffindor house, my friend. The Sorting Hat has deemed it true.” 

 

“It’s true. We took the Pottermore sorting test and lo and behold...Gryffindor.” Andy confirmed.

 

Joe grabbed the half full bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and sat back in his seat. “Dude, I’ve never taken the Pottermore quiz. You think I’d be a Gryffindor, too?”

 

Andy shrugged. “I dunno, maybe. The Sorting Hat would be the only one able to look deep within your heart and determine the truth of your character.”

 

Joe snorted. 

 

Pete was quiet for a few moments before shooting up from his seat and running out of the room. Patrick, who’s lap was now all of a sudden cold and 163 lbs. lighter from an abrupt lack of Pete sitting on him, looked to Joe and Andy in confusion.

 

“Maybe he needed to take a shit.” Joe offered with a smile. “He did eat half a sack of peanut butter cups.”

 

Some laughter and some light hearted banter followed before Pete came jogging back into the living room carrying his laptop computer. He squeezed past Patrick, who was still seated on the loveseat, plopped down on the floor at his feet, opening up the laptop on the coffee table and powering up the device. 

 

Before anyone could question him, the bassist addressed the group, informing them the purpose of his computer. “We are going to make this official. Joe and Patrick need to set up a Pottermore profile and take the sorting test. This is of utmost importance and cannot be delayed any longer! I can’t believe you guys have never done this!”

 

Patrick grabbed one of the throw pillows next to him and placed it in his lap, hugging the material close. “Pete, come on. What’s the big deal about knowing which house we belong to? It’s not real. It’s like, your astrological sign. That shit is not actually a true reflection of your personality.” 

 

Joe raised an eyebrow at Patrick “I dunno, dude. You kinda fit being a Taurus to a tee. Stubborn, possessive, opinionated…”

 

Patrick’s face scrunched up and he opened his mouth to deliver his defense but was beat to the punch by Pete. “Don’t forget that Taureans are also creative, dependable... _ sensual _ .” Pete raised an eyebrow and turned around to face Patrick who was sitting behind him. “Am I right or what? Taurean  _ sensuality _ is very well known.” Pete leered at the blonde man as he raised his right hand to his mouth, first and middle fingers framing his lips in a V shape, and then flicked his tongue back and forth. 

 

Patrick took the pillow from his lap and smacked Pete over the head. “Shut the fuck up, asshole. Fine, I’ll take your stupid fucking quiz.”

 

Pete was grinning like the asshole, thoroughly pleased with being able to garner a reaction out of Patrick (and a physical one at that...goddamn Pete was a sucker for Patrick throwing punches. It was his own strange brand of flirting). He turned his attention back towards his laptop and once it was booted up, begins to type in the link for the Pottermore website. 

 

“Okay, so you each need to set a profile with your email address and then you can take the quiz. But dude, take your time and really  _ think  _ about your answers. I can’t stress this enough. Because once you’re sorted, that’s it. You can’t retake the quiz. So take this seriously.” Pete looked between Joe and Patrick, gesticulating with his hands as he spoke, forehead crinkled up in almost grim earnestness. 

 

Patrick, one again, rolled his eyes and huffed a breath at Pete’s dramatics. 

 

Joe nodded, eyes locked to Pete’s, earnestly relaying his understanding of the importance of this information. “Gotcha. You got one shot. No second chances.”

 

“Right,” Pete confirmed. “So take your time. Trust your gut but don’t overthink your answers too much. Go with your first instinct. Trust the Sorting Hat to do the rest.”

 

“Oh my fucking...come on, dude.” Patrick muttered under his breath as he watched Pete and Joe speak with such uncharacteristic seriousness over a fucking internet quiz. He hugged the throw pillow closer to his chest, crossed his right ankle over his left knee, and sank back into the cushions of the sofa. “Y’all are stupid as fuck.”

 

Andy was quietly giggling at his friends, immensely amused by their absurdity. 

 

Joe and Pete were quiet, still looking at each other and nodding absentmindedly. When the Pottermore site finished loading, their mesmerized staring was broken.

 

“The time has come.” Pete muttered, turning to the keyboard and navigating to the sign up page. 

 

“I wanna go first!” Joe yelped, hand in the air and bouncing on his knees. 

 

Pete turned the laptop so it was angled towards Joe, who had come to sit directly besides Pete on the floor; thighs touching and bony elbows knocking together in the excited rush of trying to quickly start setting up his profile. “Dude, I bet I’m a Gryffindor, too. I’m totally noble and like, all that stuff. Wouldn’t it be crazy if we  _ all _ got sorted into the same house?” Joe mused while clacking away on the keyboard. 

 

“Oh, totally! But...I dunno. I think Trick would probably be Hufflepuff. He’s so kind and hard working.” Pete said while turning his body sideways so he could rest his arm on Patrick’s lap. “That’s what everyone on the blogs say, too. Patrick is a sweet muffin and is too good and pure. Total Hufflepuff.” Pete grinned sweetly up at Patrick.

 

From his seat on the recliner, Andy snorted. “Sweet and pure? Oh, wow. The fans really have no clue what Patrick is  _ really _ like. That’s fucking hilarious!”

 

Pete whipped around to face Andy, looking completely betrayed. “Patrick  _ is _ sweet and pure, Andrew! Don’t you  _ dare _ talk shit, motherfucker!”

 

“Pete, chill the fuck out. He’s not talking shit, oh my god. Relax.” Patrick was pulling Pete’s shoulders so the bassist was fully leaning back between the blonde man’s legs and began petting his chest until he could feel Pete’s muscles relax. 

 

Joe was only paying partial attention to their banter as he finished setting up his profile. “Okay, I’m in. We shall now see if the Sorting Hat will confirm my suspicions that I am a fellow Gryffindor.” Joe cracked his knuckles dramatically and before he turned his attention to the quiz, turned his head to address Patrick. “And, by the way, Andy’s right. You’re a total dick”

 

Patrick threw his pillow at Joe’s head.

 

**

 

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Joe muttered at the screen, a smirk on his face and looking thoroughly amused. 

 

“Well? What did you get?”

 

Joe took the computer and angled the screen to show his results to the three men who had started to wander back from the kitchen with snacks while Joe completed his quiz in silence. 

 

_ Hufflepuff _ . 

 

Pete looked disappointed. “Aww, dude. We’re not Gryffindor bros. We’re a band divided! It’s Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff now!”

 

“We don’t know what Patrick’s house is yet, Pete. He may not be Hufflepuff.” Andy said as he clapped a hand on the bassists shoulder and reclaimed his usual seat in the living room. 

 

Joe was quietly giggling to himself. 

 

“What are you sniggering about, dummy?” Andy inquired, popping open a can of Mountain Dew and taking a large sip. 

 

Joe was grinning maniacally and still laughing. “Dude. Dude! Hufflepuff is  _ perfect _ for me. Because,” Joe paused as he snorted. “Because...Hufflepuff! Hufflepuff-puff-pass! PUFF-PUFF-PASS! Get it?!” 

 

Pete started cracking up at the moronic joke. “Oh my god, dude! That’s hilarious!”

 

Andy couldn’t help reacting to Joe’s joke. Personal views aside, it was pretty fucking funny. Patrick just looked annoyed...or constipated. It was hard to tell with that kid sometimes.

 

“Okay, okay. Trick, it’s your turn. We need to see if you’re part of the Hufflepuff Party after all. Here,” Joe said as he took the laptop and handed it to Patrick. “I logged out so you can set up a profile for yourself.”

 

Taking the laptop from his bandmate Patrick smiled, finally starting to find this whole conversation amusing. “All right, you Gryffindor douchebags. Get ready for the unstoppable power duo of Team Hufflepuff!”

 

While Joe, Pete, and Andy continued to laugh and talk shit, Patrick concentrated intently on completing the quiz, singing Wiz Khalifa’s _Black_ _and_ _Yellow_ under his breath. 

 

**

 

“Holy shit, no freaking way. Dude...I totally didn’t see this coming” Pete whined as he stared at the computer screen, feeling as if the pixelated images had personally betrayed him. 

 

“For real, man.” Joe agreed, turning his head to face Patrick. “How  _ could _ you, bro? We’re supposed to be Team Hufflepuff. I can’t believe this shit.”

 

Andy came around to the side of the couch, sipping on a spinach and pineapple smoothie, and grinning knowingly. “Ah...I see. Well, I can’t say that I’m surprised. The Sorting Hat knows the deepest, most hidden inner workings of a person’s mind. It is able to accurately and unbiasedly determine which qualities are most prominent without being swayed by personal opinion or outside influences. It is a completely sentient, impartial being and their decision shouldn’t be questioned.”

 

Joe looked up at Andy, still appearing a little betrayed and a bit confused. “Hey where’d you get that smoothie? Lemme have a sip, dude.” 

 

“Fuck off. There’s some extra in the kitchen. Go get your own.”

 

“Fucking greedy bastard.” Joe muttered as he stood up, heading to the kitchen to pour himself some of the remaining smoothie Andy made earlier. Andy took Joe’s vacated seat on the couch besides Pete. 

 

Andy put his arm around Pete’s shoulders, condescendingly patting him on the arm in mock consolation. “It’s okay, Pete. Stop acting like this is such a travesty. Remember, there are many honorable qualities about this house.”

 

Pete turned his head towards Andy; overdramatically morose expression softening the lines of his face. “Yeah, but... _ Slytherin _ ?”

 

“There is nothing wrong with Slytherin, Pete. You’re taking this a bit too far. Remember, the characterization of the ‘villains’ were purely fictional. The actual qualities of being sorted into Slytherin are extremely positive ones. You’re acting like an idiot, Pete.”

 

“What’s Pete doing now, Andy?” Joe asked, walking back into the living room with his beverage and a few other snacks. 

 

“He’s mourning the fact Patrick is in Slytherin.”

 

“Oh, yeah. That was a surprise but whatever. Slytherin is cool. I mean, Hufflepuff is  _ far _ superior but we can’t all be as awesome as me. Hufflepuff makes for the ideal partner, too. The greatest ship in the entire Potter fandom is Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory. Those two would have made the best couple.” 

 

Andy felt Pete tensing up under his arm, which he removed to slide over onto the other side of the couch. The drummer was already prepared for what Pete’s reaction would be and muttered under his breath, “Here we go again.”

 

The betrayal of the Sorting Hat’s decision was quickly left behind as Pete began his launch into his defence of what he felt was the obvious ship in the Harry Potter series. 

 

“Joseph. My darling. My sweet summer child. Come take a seat and let me explain how  _ completely _ wrong you are.”

 

Patrick, seeing that Pete’s focus was now distracted, took this opportunity to carefully close Pete’s laptop, place it on the coffee table, and extracted himself from the corner seat of the couch to move over to one of the vacant seats by Andy. Patrick smiled at the drummer as he sat down. “I don’t know very much about this stuff but I know that Pete is about to go off on one of his passionate rants and I am quite content to not have it directed at me for once.”

 

“What? You don’t miss having ‘intellectual discussions’ about pop culture and music that always ends up in a fist fight and silent treatment for a few days?” 

 

Patrick shook his head, but was laughing fondly. “Oh my god. We’re never going to live those days down. Nah, I’m a much softer, gentler version of myself now, you know that.  _ But _ , it doesn’t hurt that Joe is the recipient of this rant because my patience is still a bit of a work in progress.”

 

“How anyone could ever mistake you for a Hufflepuff astounds me, frankly.” Andy leaned over, reaching a hand out to pat the singer’s head. “Because you’re a fucking gremlin.”

 

**

 

Pete actually appeared to be a bit purple in the face as he continued his monologue. “Look, I  _ DO _ get what you’re saying about Cedric but you have to see my point. There is  _ no way _ that you can deny the obvious chemistry between Harry and Draco Malfoy.” 

 

Now  _ this _ captured Andy’s attention.

 

Pete, sensing an audience and ever the consummate showman, stepped up his display. “Guys, you all cannot dispute the very simple observational fact that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy had a deep rooted, lingering attraction to one another.”

 

“Pete, they hated each other, dude. You’re reaching.” Joe stated simply, looking very relaxed and sure of himself. “Remember how distraught Harry was when Cedric was killed? He never recovered from that loss.”

 

Pete’s mouth hung open and he actually,  _ actually _ , pulled at his hair. “Are you fucking kidding me? Of  _ COURSE _ Harry was distressed! Anyone would be messed up after watching their friend be murdered by the Dark Lord himself! That was a highly traumatic event that would affect Harry for the remainder of his life, but it does not prove that Harry and Cedric had more-than-just-friends feelings for one another. You have to read between the lines when it comes to Harry and Draco. Yeah, it didn’t start off as love when they first met as kids, but as they grew up, the feelings between the two definitely started to flourish.” 

 

Pete paused to take a breath, seeing everyone’s face looking completely unconvinced. “It’s like this: Harry was this enigmatic wunderkind. He had this  _ presence _ that everyone was attracted to. Draco was a leader in his own right but was constantly overshadowed by Harry’s magnetism. Harry grew up to be this untouchable Gryffindor heartthrob that was idolized by literally EVERYBODY. Draco’s attraction grew, much to his own dismay...because he always felt it would be plain wrong to even have those feelings for Harry in the first place. He could never come clean about his feelings for Harry and it made his anger grow even more. He was so conflicted. I mean, _ think about it!  _ Draco dropped hints here and there in his own way but Harry was just too dumb to notice the burning desire so Draco kept getting mad that his love was unrequited. Draco was always pressured with maintaining the tough guise of a Slytherin and was always told it would be seen as wrong to hook up with a Gryffindor,  _ ESPECIALLY _ Harry Potter himself.  That is was why he was always so nasty to Harry but in reality they both  _ LOVE _ each other!”

 

By the end of his long winded rant, Pete was actually on his feet, facing his three friends, and searching their facial expressions to see if managed to prove his point. Andy nodded his head once in sage agreement. “You know Pete, you are absolutely correct. But...you do realize this also sounds remarkably similar to your ‘situation’ with Patrick, right?”

 

“What?” Pete asked, appearing confused as he looked over at Andy. 

 

His eyes then shifted to Patrick, whose face was quickly blushing and looking a bit...guilty? “Huh. Wow.” Patrick muttered under his breath.

 

Realization hit Pete like a ton of bricks. 

 

Patrick had already come clean about his feelings for Pete when they reconnected during the hiatus but Pete never really put into perspective how deeply the singer had suffered for all those years. 

 

Pete rushed across the room and dropped to his knees in front of Patrick, gathering the singer’s hands in his own and peering up into his face. “Trick? I’m so sorry. I know we already talked through all that shit and we’re good now but...oh my god, Tricky I had  _ no fucking clue _ I made you feel  _ that _ badly. Was it like  _ that _ ? I mean, I...it was so hard for me, too. I had the world’s eyes on me and the only one I wanted to look at me was you. And I thought you just didn’t care. I always felt so fucking invisible when it came to you. No matter what I would say or what I would do, you just could never see me. Like you didn’t  _ want _ to see me.”

 

“Pete, baby...it’s okay. We talked about it already. We don’t need to go back and keep dwelling on all the stupid mistakes we both made. You figured it out and we’re here now. You’re still a moron but you’re my moron.” 

 

They looked at each other for a moment and laughed. “Let’s go back to my room and talk in there. I’m sure these assholes don’t wanna be around for this shit again.”

 

Joe looked relieved. “Thank FUCK! I’m sick of you guys constantly gushing and getting gross all the time.”

 

Once the two lovebirds had left the living room, Andy and Joe took up the vacated seats on the couch and switched on the television set and continued to enjoy the rest of the day by lazing about and doing nothing.

 

**

 

They were barely past the threshold of the Patrick’s bedroom when Pete launched his entire body onto the younger man, wrapping himself tightly around his newly lithe frame, and letting his hands wander aggressively. “I know we said we would wait, that we would take it slow...but Patrick, we’ve wasted so many years and I’m not about to waste a second more.” 

 

Pete’s mouth was desperate; gasping out pleading words and running his lips/tongue/teeth all over Patrick’s highly sensitive neck and jawline. Patrick’s hands were on auto pilot; reaching and pulling in the same ways they always did when he and Pete would fall into one another’s arms. It was so familiar yet this was filled with so much new meaning. “Yeah...Pete…”

 

Pete pulled away just enough to lock the door, take Patrick’s hand, and lead them to the bed. 

 

**

 

Andy and Joe were only 30 minutes into their television show when they began to hear... _ noises _ . At first, they were able to ignore the sounds and dismiss them as the house settling or maybe something being dropped. But when they grew in volume and kept a noticeable repetitive rhythm, there was no mistaking what those sounds were.

 

Joe reached for the remote control and paused their program, listening for a few moments before realization hit him. “Oh, come  _ ON _ ! Are they fucking? Jesus fucking  _ Christ _ !”

 

Yeah, there was definitely no way of mistaking the incessant pounding against the wall, coupled with Patrick’s distinct voice  _ screaming _ obscenities. 

 

“Wow, he’s really letting go. Didn’t know he could get that loud. I’m impressed.”

 

Joe stared at his friend, his face a mask of pure disgust. “Dude! What the fuck is  _ wrong _ with you?”

 

Andy just laughed. “Chill out, Joe. They’re just fucking. And from the sounds Patrick is making, it seems like Pete is really giving his all.”

 

They sat for a few moments listening; Joe in horrified shock and Andy still feeling a bit impressed. However nothing, absolutely nothing, prepared them when all of a sudden they heard Patrick scream out, “TEN POINTS FOR GRYFFINDOR!” before the house fell into silence once again.

 

Andy and Joe were too stunned to laugh.

 

**

 

The following morning, Andy and Joe we sitting in the kitchen, enjoying their usual morning routine when Pete wandered in for some coffee. 

 

“Good morning guys! Did you sleep well?” Pete practically sang as he strutted in and poured a cup of coffee, adding his hazelnut cream. 

 

“Yeah, slept great. Looks like you did, too.” Andy replied politely.

 

“Hell yeah, man. I don’t think I’ve gotten a full 8 hours of unmedicated, uninterrupted sleep in  _ years _ . I feel fucking amazing today.”

 

Pete was leaning against the counter, taking his first sip of coffee, when Patrick wandered in. “Morning everyone,” he murmured as he went straight to Pete, taking the bassist’s coffee from his hands to place on the counter, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing him deeply.

 

After a few seconds of making out, Patrick pulled back, pecked a kiss on Pete’s throat, and went to go fix himself his morning coffee.

 

Andy and Joe seemed a bit surprised at Patrick’s nonchalant display of affection. Pete just looked like a smug little shit.

 

“So, I gather that this whole thing with you guys is  _ officially _ official, right?” Andy inquired.

 

Patrick took his mug of coffee and sidled up besides Pete, snaking an arm down to grab the bassist’s ass. “Mmm yeah, it’s officially official, I’d say. Right, babe?”

 

Pete, a little taken back by the level of Patrick’s overtness, just gasped and turned to start making out with him again.

 

Joe looked stunned. “I had no idea Patrick was so...expressive.”

 

“Well,” Andy pondered. “I guess some good dick just changes a guy.”

 

Pete, never one to miss an opening to make a joke, pulled away from making out with Patrick to leer at Joe and Andy. “Damn right, he’s getting some  _ seriously _ good D. He  _ LOVES _ to be Slytherin all over this dick!”

 

“Oh, come on!” Patrick smacked Pete’s head. “Enough with the Hogwarts puns, already.”

 

Andy side eyed Patrick while taking a sip of his juice. “I dunno, Patrick. You’re the one screaming out ‘10 points for Gryffindor’. I don’t think any bad pun Pete makes can get worse than that.”

 

Pete started laughing hysterically. “Holy fuck, you guys heard that? Hell  _ YEAH _ ! Dude, that was the fucking hottest thing I’ve ever heard. I nutted so fucking hard when he screamed that shit. I was totally caught off guard.”

 

Patrick was grumbling in embarrassment, trying to pull away, but Pete just tightened his grip and reeled Patrick in closer. “I call Tricky Dumbledore now...because he’s the  _ head _ master. Get it?”

 

“Pete, no.”   
  


“Pete, YES! Okay, how about this one: you can call me Neville Longbottom...cos honey, I’ll bottom as long as you want!”

 

“Pete. NO!”

 

“Aww, come on Trickybaby. You know you loooooooooove me!”

 

Patrick didn’t want to encourage this sort of stupidity from Pete but damned if he didn’t think it was cute. “Yeah. Yeah, I really fucking do, Pete.”

 

Joe and Andy let out simultaneous “Awwwws” while Pete began rubbing himself all over Patrick before dropping to his knees and leaning in to whisper “Wingardium Leviosahhh” to Patrick’s crotch.

  
  


 

**

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless self promotion time!
> 
> Come visit me on Tumblr @laudanumcafe! 
> 
> Also, don't be stingy with your love. Kudos are ALWAYS welcomed and comments are the fuel to my soul.


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